So You ‘Want’ To Be Happy?
Four concepts about long-lasting happiness.
You ‘want’ to be happy
What is happiness?
Without filtering, this is what came to my mind — being rich. When you’re rich, you get to buy nice clothes, a big house, race cars, and most importantly, you get to buy freedom anytime, anywhere.
If this is true, then all rich people should be happy — most of them are, but not all of them.
Those who are unhappy had a common trait — they’re always chasing something. It can be the money, the house, the car, the vacation but nonetheless, always there’s something that they need to be pursuing.
The act of pursuing something is the same as filling a void. You feel inadequate and as a countermeasure, you try to find stuff that can make you feel complete.
As suggested in a recent video posted by Freedom In Thought, this bottomless pit you’re constantly trying to fill is what we commonly know as desire.
There’s always going to be something bigger, flashier, prettier which makes you think that you’re going to be happy once you have it. Without realizing this, people are bound to be stuck on the hedonic treadmill, always chasing dangling carrots (fill in your favorite advertisement here).
You simply cannot outrun desires with achievements.
The root of you wanting something is because you feel inadequate. You want what others have and so you work hard to chase after it. On the flip side, if you feel content with your life, there’s no need for searching anymore.
You can end this desire loop anytime as soon as you realize you have enough. And this realization needs to be reminded daily through a gratitude practice. Start journaling on a book, an app, on the wall, anything.
Unless you feel happy with what you have, you won’t be happy with what you will have.
Happiness is to be content and enjoy the present — Seneca
Growing cucumber in a bitter gourd land
Try growing a cucumber in a land full of bitter gourds, you’ll end up with a bitter cucumber. The same works for social media since you’re using it every day. You’re technically marinated in the social media newsfeed.
You, my friend, are the cucumber.
In a social media-dominated era, people are flooding your feed with all these luxurious lifestyles, putting on fake happy faces just so they could feel how it’s like to have a “rich” life — monetarily.
Even with a bullet-proof mind, you’re still going to be affected one way or another when you’re exposed to all these fake associations. Without us realizing it, these constant bombardments of information make us doubt the life we’re living — hence, discontentment.
The solution is rather simple:
Don’t plant your cucumber in a bitter gourd land.
Find another piece of land and plant yourself there. Remove social media from your life, or at least try to limit your usage. Find new communities such as Discord chats, Reddit, Skillshare that doesn’t have people flashing their life.
With this, you’ll be less bitter about life. Pun intended.
Detach from outcome
It’s been more than a decade since I started playing basketball. If it weren’t for the pandemic, I’m sure I’d be hanging around the courts around my neighbourhood playing with random dudes. And throughout my time playing basketball, I see people from all walks of life, young and old, enjoying their time on the court.
My point is, we’re happy just with playing basketball. Sure, having a couple of championship medals would be the cherry on top but we don’t need these achievements to be happy. All we needed was to be on the court, giving our all to crush our opponents. More often than not, we’re the ones getting our butts kicked but still, feeling content.
The same as musicians creating music and painters painting their art, it’s the process that brings them joy, not the outcome of it. We can choose our process of doing something but we can’t guarantee the outcome.
Ironically, most people are attached to the outcome rather than appreciating the process.
You were stoked when you first learned about the craft. However, after some time, you seek external validation to enjoy what you do after hearing stories of how people made money with their “passion”.
So are you not allowed to enjoy your hobby if it doesn’t “make it”?
Of course not! You do something out of interest, not because of fame and glory. Allow yourself to enjoy the process without any expectations of how the world will reward you.
Freeing yourself from the outcome is essentially lifting the pressure to perform off your back. This gives you the freedom to be creative, curious, and of course, be happy with what you are doing.
Focus on the process, not the product — Austin Kleon, author of Show Your Work
‘Flow’ into happiness
Anyone who’s familiar with Tim Denning would know that he’s a diehard fan of getting into the Flow state. Flow simply means being in a state of intense focus where time and your bodily needs are absent.
So what does:
- Baking that banana muffin you saw on Facebook; or
- Writing about the struggling year as an insurance agent; or
- A 30-minute Bullyjuice Full Body Workout (it’s a great ass-kicker by the way);
has to do with you being happy?
Because you have to be present to do any of those things properly.
Being focus is to be present for an extended period of time. You are mentally present and giving all your attention to the task on hand.
If you’re not attentive, your muffins might come out salty. You might hurt yourself doing that intense workout. The point is, Flow anchors you to the present and not think about the work you left at the office or how better off others’ lives are compared to yours.
The present is all you have and hence, your life. So the longer you are in the Flow state, the happier your life will be in general.
I would argue that people are having a hard time feeling happy nowadays because of how convenient marketers can reach you. Distraction is the arch-enemy of focus and you simply cannot have both in the same table.
Here are some of my Do-Nots for getting into a Flow state:
- Multitasking;
- Allowing people or device notifications to distract you;
- Planning and doing at the same time;
- Switching tasks too often;
In Summary
We discussed the following 4 concepts of happiness:
- Cultivate gratitude to be free from the desire to be happy;
- Stop growing cucumbers in bitter gourd land;
- Detach yourself from the outcome;
- ‘Flow’ your way into happiness;
Now, I believe everyone deserves to be happy (unless you’re a psycho serial killer, shame on you). However, happiness is not a destination, it is a state of mind.
A state of mind requires maintenance. We consume so much information every day that you’re more than likely to forget what you read today by the time you have your next meal.
Having a daily journal or reminder helps. I do it to remind myself about what’s important about life and hopefully, this can help you too in living a happy life.
